The Men of 2008

This past year has had many ups and downs. 2008 started off a little rocky. J and I had just broken up and he was my first boyfriend since I left B in May 2007 (after 4 years) and I was utterly infatuated with him (something that I often downplay because I cannot live with the fact that I was actually that INTO someone). I was still crying all the time and I missed him horribly but the fact he lived thousands of miles away helped. A few months after that I met H, an asshole right out of Baltimore, but boy, was I into his overly confident and cocky attitude. That ended just as soon as it started. The problem with boys like him is that they were too much like me. I guess it's safe to say, there needs to be a certain type of balance. Between my feisty-ness & smart ass mouth and his attitude, we clashed too much. Shortly after that there were a string of dates that went nowhere. I guess my heart wasnt really into it and no one seemed to pique my interest. As all these dates/men came in and out of my life, I had an epiphany. I wasnt looking for a man, I was looking for a validation of myself.

I think in the past, I always attributed my self worth based on who I was dating. If I was dating a badboy, then I was that BAD ASS CHICK. If I was dating a lawyer, I was a sophisticated Metropolitan Girl. If I was dating a construction worker, I was that down-to-earth, hardworking girl that worked with a 110% passion. Looking back, it's pathetic and it's definitely a hard pill to take. Realizing now, I am all those things and a man doesn't define a damn thing for me. I am a "bad ass chick" because I don't take shit from anyone, I always say what I'm thinking, and would much rather tear your eyes out than to let you get the best of me. I am a sophisticated Metropolitan Girl, having been raised in cities and concrete jungles my whole life. I've traveled the world and have a taste for the more classical things in life (ballet, opera, classic literature, etc...). But I will always be that down-to-earth girl that pours her heart into everything she's doing. I live life on my own terms. Life is exactly the way that I want it, no substitution, no settling. I pour my blood, sweat, and tears into a job that overworks and exploits me but am perfectly content doing so for it gives me my apartment, my car, my lifestyle, etc... In my eyes, it's a small price to pay for standing on my own two feet, for my taste of freedom and peace of mind.

As this new year has come, there will be many new changes in my life. I will live a better life, though I know it cannot come easily, I am a girl who is stuck in my own ways. I will eat healthier, if not for losing weight, then to better my body. This will be especially hard since I eat on the road alot, usually dinner consists of whatever is on my way home, work, school but I will definitely try harder. I might even get a little wild and try to quit smoking. I will try to work out, again to benefit my health above body image. I will vow to never binge and purge again. That shit is slowly killing me and I need all the strength and willpower if I want to take over the world :) I will be better