Everyone who meets me thinks I had a bad childhood. Maybe it's the fact that I'm Miss Cynical Extraordinare or the fact that I'm "harsh and cold" [their words not mine]. I'm going to set the record straight once and for all...
First, I am NOT from a broken home. My parents are still married [25 loooong years] and happily so. My theories on love stem from my own experiences, the experiences of those close to me, and of course, the media [I'm joking about the media part, though I firmly believe that younger people should not always think "Oh, it's just a movie"...because those writers had to get the inspiration somewhere].
Second, I was never abused and everyone I lived with growing up treated me like a princess. I lived with my grandparents, who spoiled me way more than any person should be spoiled. I also lived with my folks, who were so poor they charged the roaches rent but never let it known we didnt have a cent to our name.
Third, I have NEVER had my heart broken...so all the assumption that my outlook on love is so whacked because I carry around baggage from a previous relationship can now be put to rest. In order to get one's heart broken, one must let someone close enough to break. Something that has yet to be done.
Flat out...I do not believe in love between a man and a woman. I believe the only true love that exists is between friends and family, that is the only place you can find unconditional love, and even so, some friends will not love you unconditionally. I believe that people marry merely out of mutual respect, heighten levels of comfort and admiration. The notion that Love conquers all and makes you head over heels and lose all your common senses is completely ridiculous to me. Never had I met a man that I wanted to jump up and down with excitement for. Never had I met a man that made me wanted shack up and have babies with. Never had a met a man that I never got tired of or annoyed with to the point the idea of eternity with him made me wanna puke.
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Friday, June 27, 2008
The Men of My Past....
I believe that there are not that many types of men...and both the Lord and I know the kind that linger in my past. I don't regret them because I have the strongest belief that I learned a valuable lesson from each one of them...
-There's a type we'll call A. He was handsome with a radiant smile. The kind of man that can make girls want to get to know him from the minute they lay eyes on him. A was funny, smart, handsome, and had the gift of gab. When he talked to you...you were the only girl in the world, the only one in the room, and the only girl that mattered. He had that bad boy with a touch of softy...but unfortunately you are not the only girl to ever witness this, as a matter of fact, you, your best friend, her cousin, his sister's friends, and half of the female student body knew this side. He was cunning, never letting on that you were number 6,795 in his book and he played the game well. Did I get played? Yep, sure did...Do I regret it? No sir...had it not been for A I would've had many more heartaches to come. Will I ever fall for a Type A again? ....Not as long as my brain is fully functioning, my eyes are wide open, and cynicism spews from my pores...Am I bitter? No...smarter.
-Then there's B. He was Mr. Rebound...from a type A. Good looks are about the only thing he had going for him. No steady job, no ambition, always broke, hustled for fast cash, basically a loser. He was your typical bad boy with hardly a good side but obviously he had something going for him, after all, I stayed for 4 years. Its been over a year since I've been with B and to this day I have no clue why I stayed as long as I did. Maybe it was Florence Nightingale Syndrome, the belief that I can change him, make him better, turn him into a REAL man. He had a rough past with drugs, crime, etc...that I somehow thought I could erase and turn him into the man I knew he could be. Trust me when I say, you can't change anyone but yourself. You'd make excuses for why he couldn't keep a job...for the shitty things he'd say...for his lack of motivation to better himself until soon, you're all out of excuses. Soon, you're fighting so much that you're no longer that bubbly goof ball that everyone knows and more of a withdrawn empty shell. Was there ever any good? Of course, there was the sex that left no room for complaints and the occasionally laughter that filled the house [on a good day]. What did I learn B? Never settle...you can't change people...and that there should be boundaries to how a man can treat you. Do I regret it? Never, however, I wished I had the guts to get out earlier in the game. Will I ever fall a B again? Doubtful...I don't have the energy to be the man in a relationship, mentally, physically, or financially.
-Then there's C. Mr. On-His-Way-to-Wall-Street. Great career, good education, and definitely entertaining. He takes you to nice places, takes more time getting pretty than you, comes from a good home. It starts off as a fling...getting together every weekend [after 2 am, of course] for a little loving...then he hits you with the "I think I've developed feelings for you" act. Now you're ecstatic because for the first time in your love career, you didn't get attached first yet you laugh it off and play it cool "what are you talking about...I thought we were having fun"...suddenly, you have the upperhand and he's chasing you for more. This continues for a few months and then you date exclusively...within a month, he's cheating and you're wondering where it wrong. Then he starts in with the "I'm too busy. I gotta focus on my career not my relationship" bit but continues to blow you up at 1 or 2 in the morning because he "misses you". Cut your losses and move on...I did it for years......never again! What have I learned from C? That he will never be into you like he's into himself. The many women makes him feel good about him. In his eyes, he is his only true love. Can't say it doesn't suck when he finally settles down with someone and it's not you...but just remember that he's incapable of loving anyone other than himself...better her than you.
Of the many men who have been in my life...these were the 3 types they fell into. Maybe I'm drawn to these kind of men. I'm drawn to A because I crave the attention and affection he gives me, so even though I can spot one from a mile away, that short time of attention and affection makes him worth chasing. I'm drawn to B because with a personality as feisty and headstrong as mine, I need a man to go head to head with me...because in my eyes, that's a TRUE man, one that's rugged and manly. C is the type to bring home to mom and dad...the type of man that makes you feel proud that you bagged. The allure of these men are just that...the idea of them...though I've never been in love...maybe I should learn to love the man rather than the air he exudes....
-There's a type we'll call A. He was handsome with a radiant smile. The kind of man that can make girls want to get to know him from the minute they lay eyes on him. A was funny, smart, handsome, and had the gift of gab. When he talked to you...you were the only girl in the world, the only one in the room, and the only girl that mattered. He had that bad boy with a touch of softy...but unfortunately you are not the only girl to ever witness this, as a matter of fact, you, your best friend, her cousin, his sister's friends, and half of the female student body knew this side. He was cunning, never letting on that you were number 6,795 in his book and he played the game well. Did I get played? Yep, sure did...Do I regret it? No sir...had it not been for A I would've had many more heartaches to come. Will I ever fall for a Type A again? ....Not as long as my brain is fully functioning, my eyes are wide open, and cynicism spews from my pores...Am I bitter? No...smarter.
-Then there's B. He was Mr. Rebound...from a type A. Good looks are about the only thing he had going for him. No steady job, no ambition, always broke, hustled for fast cash, basically a loser. He was your typical bad boy with hardly a good side but obviously he had something going for him, after all, I stayed for 4 years. Its been over a year since I've been with B and to this day I have no clue why I stayed as long as I did. Maybe it was Florence Nightingale Syndrome, the belief that I can change him, make him better, turn him into a REAL man. He had a rough past with drugs, crime, etc...that I somehow thought I could erase and turn him into the man I knew he could be. Trust me when I say, you can't change anyone but yourself. You'd make excuses for why he couldn't keep a job...for the shitty things he'd say...for his lack of motivation to better himself until soon, you're all out of excuses. Soon, you're fighting so much that you're no longer that bubbly goof ball that everyone knows and more of a withdrawn empty shell. Was there ever any good? Of course, there was the sex that left no room for complaints and the occasionally laughter that filled the house [on a good day]. What did I learn B? Never settle...you can't change people...and that there should be boundaries to how a man can treat you. Do I regret it? Never, however, I wished I had the guts to get out earlier in the game. Will I ever fall a B again? Doubtful...I don't have the energy to be the man in a relationship, mentally, physically, or financially.
-Then there's C. Mr. On-His-Way-to-Wall-Street. Great career, good education, and definitely entertaining. He takes you to nice places, takes more time getting pretty than you, comes from a good home. It starts off as a fling...getting together every weekend [after 2 am, of course] for a little loving...then he hits you with the "I think I've developed feelings for you" act. Now you're ecstatic because for the first time in your love career, you didn't get attached first yet you laugh it off and play it cool "what are you talking about...I thought we were having fun"...suddenly, you have the upperhand and he's chasing you for more. This continues for a few months and then you date exclusively...within a month, he's cheating and you're wondering where it wrong. Then he starts in with the "I'm too busy. I gotta focus on my career not my relationship" bit but continues to blow you up at 1 or 2 in the morning because he "misses you". Cut your losses and move on...I did it for years......never again! What have I learned from C? That he will never be into you like he's into himself. The many women makes him feel good about him. In his eyes, he is his only true love. Can't say it doesn't suck when he finally settles down with someone and it's not you...but just remember that he's incapable of loving anyone other than himself...better her than you.
Of the many men who have been in my life...these were the 3 types they fell into. Maybe I'm drawn to these kind of men. I'm drawn to A because I crave the attention and affection he gives me, so even though I can spot one from a mile away, that short time of attention and affection makes him worth chasing. I'm drawn to B because with a personality as feisty and headstrong as mine, I need a man to go head to head with me...because in my eyes, that's a TRUE man, one that's rugged and manly. C is the type to bring home to mom and dad...the type of man that makes you feel proud that you bagged. The allure of these men are just that...the idea of them...though I've never been in love...maybe I should learn to love the man rather than the air he exudes....
Relationships....
-If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't, nothing can make him stay
-If you have any doubt about a man's character, leave him alone
-Allow your intuition to save you from heartache
-Never live your life for a man before you fnd out what truly makes you happy
-Don't settle
-The only person you can control in a relationship is you
-There's only one "reason" a man dumps you; he doesn't want you
-Always put yourself and your happiness first
-Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you
-Like Sex and the City, if he doesn't call, he just isn't that interested
-Know when to cut the cord, don't ever be strung along
-Don't fall for the "I'm confused" act. Remove yourself from the situation and let him figure things out (but don't wait for him)
-Actions speak louder than words
-Never let a man define who you are
-If he cheated with you then he'll cheat on you
-Know that you deserve to be the number one person in the life of the person who is your #1.
-A man will only treat you the way you allow him to treat you.
-You should never look for someone to complete you.
-NEVER give more in a relationship than you are getting out it.
-When actions and words conflict, believe the actions.
-Don't fall for the "I'm not the loving type"...when a man loves you, there's nothing in this world that he wouldn't do for you.
-Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always knows where you are, and you're always available to him, he takes it for granted.
-When its time to let go, let go.
-There's someone out there worthy to be in your life, let out the trash so he can come in.
-If you have any doubt about a man's character, leave him alone
-Allow your intuition to save you from heartache
-Never live your life for a man before you fnd out what truly makes you happy
-Don't settle
-The only person you can control in a relationship is you
-There's only one "reason" a man dumps you; he doesn't want you
-Always put yourself and your happiness first
-Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you
-Like Sex and the City, if he doesn't call, he just isn't that interested
-Know when to cut the cord, don't ever be strung along
-Don't fall for the "I'm confused" act. Remove yourself from the situation and let him figure things out (but don't wait for him)
-Actions speak louder than words
-Never let a man define who you are
-If he cheated with you then he'll cheat on you
-Know that you deserve to be the number one person in the life of the person who is your #1.
-A man will only treat you the way you allow him to treat you.
-You should never look for someone to complete you.
-NEVER give more in a relationship than you are getting out it.
-When actions and words conflict, believe the actions.
-Don't fall for the "I'm not the loving type"...when a man loves you, there's nothing in this world that he wouldn't do for you.
-Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always knows where you are, and you're always available to him, he takes it for granted.
-When its time to let go, let go.
-There's someone out there worthy to be in your life, let out the trash so he can come in.
Things Every Woman Should Have....
-An old boyfriend you can imagine going back to and one who reminds you how far you've come
-A decent peice of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in your family
-Something perfect to wear if the employer or man of your dreams wants to see you in a hour
-A purse, suitcase, and an umbrella you're not ashamed to be seen carrying
-A youth you're content to move beyond
-A past juicy enough that you're looking forward to retelling it in your old age
-The realization that you're actually going to have an old age-and some money set aside to help fund it
-An e-mail address, a voice mailbox, and a bank account-all of which nobody can access but you
-One friend who always makes you laugh and one who lets you cry
-A set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra
-Something ridiculously expensive that you bought for yourself, just because you deserve it
-The belief you deserve it
-A skin care regimen, an exercise routine, and a plan for dealing with those few other facets of life that don't get better after 30
-A solid start on a satisfying career, a satisfying relationship, and all those other facets of life that do get better
-A decent peice of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in your family
-Something perfect to wear if the employer or man of your dreams wants to see you in a hour
-A purse, suitcase, and an umbrella you're not ashamed to be seen carrying
-A youth you're content to move beyond
-A past juicy enough that you're looking forward to retelling it in your old age
-The realization that you're actually going to have an old age-and some money set aside to help fund it
-An e-mail address, a voice mailbox, and a bank account-all of which nobody can access but you
-One friend who always makes you laugh and one who lets you cry
-A set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra
-Something ridiculously expensive that you bought for yourself, just because you deserve it
-The belief you deserve it
-A skin care regimen, an exercise routine, and a plan for dealing with those few other facets of life that don't get better after 30
-A solid start on a satisfying career, a satisfying relationship, and all those other facets of life that do get better
Things Every Woman Should Know....
-How to fall in love without losing yourself
-How to quit a job, break up with a man and confront a friend without ruining the friendship
-When to try harder and when to walk away
-How to kiss in a waythat communicates perfectly what you would and wouldn't like to happen next
-How to live alone, even if you don't like it
-The names of: the secretary of state, your great-grandmother, and the best tailor in town
-How to take control of your own birthday
-That you can't change the length of your calves, the width of your hips or the nature of your parents
-That your childhood may not have been perfect, but it's over
-What you would and wouldn't do for money or love
-Who you can trust, who you can't, and why you shouldn't take it personally
-Not to apologize for something that isn't your fault
-How to quit a job, break up with a man and confront a friend without ruining the friendship
-When to try harder and when to walk away
-How to kiss in a waythat communicates perfectly what you would and wouldn't like to happen next
-How to live alone, even if you don't like it
-The names of: the secretary of state, your great-grandmother, and the best tailor in town
-How to take control of your own birthday
-That you can't change the length of your calves, the width of your hips or the nature of your parents
-That your childhood may not have been perfect, but it's over
-What you would and wouldn't do for money or love
-Who you can trust, who you can't, and why you shouldn't take it personally
-Not to apologize for something that isn't your fault
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